COMPASSION is urgently needed in our world. But it can neither exist nor flourish in the abstract. Compassion needs to be embodied. Lived out and brought to life through small acts of thoughtfulness, and through the attitudes and motivation that make such acts possible.

In the presence of compassion, deliberate harm to others becomes impossible. Meaningful care – beyond our own “garden gate” – becomes inevitable. Our connections to the outer world, to the physical world, grow deeper and far more secure.

Compassion brings a sense of belonging that is both universal and personal. The latter exquisitely so as dependent as it is on will, choice and a subjective vision of who “I” am and what “my” place is in the world.

Compassion also transforms our understanding of the “other”, bringing us closer to “I-Thou” connections on which our inner and outer safety equally depend.

It is not “only” the wider catastrophic harm caused in our world that compassion calls us to relieve. It is also what happens close to home, at home, at home in our hearts, where positive change is always possible.

Yes, we will inadvertently or sometimes stupidly or more often ignorantly cause harm to others. But we will NOTICE what’s happening. We will CARE. When we can – and especially if we ourselves have caused harm – we will remedy it. We will learn from it. We will grow from it. Not fall in a heap or shrink from it.

And while we will inevitably make new mistakes, we will notice faster. And going forward we will ACT with far greater consciousness, as well as conscience.

Compassion goes significantly further than empathy, as fine as empathy is.

There is nothing patronising or sentimental about allowing yourself to feel compassion for others. It demands strength of mind, an awareness that life is a mystery and a challenge and a source of suffering AND of joy for us all. Without discrimination. I write often: we are in this life together.

Taking that to heart – and not letting it float as a mere slogan – your “fellow feeling” for others, your imaginative power to put yourself in others’ place, your willingness to curb selfishness and the hardening of heart, the cynicism, the indifference that come with that – “in this life together” extends your boundaries of care. Plus your active willingness to make your care meaningful.

What might that mean?

Here’s this from Buddhist teacher and all round wise woman, Pema Chödrön.

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” Pema Chödrön The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times.

That call to recognise our own selves as equals appeals to me profoundly. It calls to my political as well as spiritual activism: to action in the outer world we share, as well as the inner world that is our place of greatest learning. “Compassion and justice are companions, not choices,” wrote William Sloane Coffin in Credo.

I know it be true, too, that if you are willing to care about others’ suffering and act to heal rather than harm, you will also be far more alive to the joys in this world, to share in others’ delight, to sing in life’s chorus, rather than just solo.

“LISTEN to the small, quiet voice within that only ever guides you with love and compassion. Let yourself receive the inspiration of beauty and kindness. Let yourself rediscover peace in your heart. And, from that secure place, meet whatever comes.” ~ Stephanie Dowrick

For vital spiritual/emotional maturity, it is just as necessary to learn self-compassion, tolerance too for one’s ever-unfolding complexity (like every other human being).

Without those qualities of compassion, insight, tolerance, we will find it difficult to see or own up to our mistakes and idiocies…and to learn from them. Instead, we will protect our ego with immature and unhelpful defensiveness. That defensiveness and the “excuses” it generates takes us nowhere.

Yet my observation over many years of leading retreats and spiritual workshops is that self-compassion is far harder for many “good” people to locate or understand. It’s something I write more about.

For now, just hold on to the very simple “best friend” rule. Am I speaking to myself harshly, putting myself down, forgetting my strengths, blaming others, staying small – in ways I would never do to the people I love or respect? Am I treating myself worse than I would ever want my loved ones to experience? If so, wake up. NO ONE benefits from harshness, disparagement, disrespect. Those are habits of thought that bring stress and misery. They can be sloughed off.

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Compassion is a divine quality. We all have it as an inner capacity. We “possess” it. While knowing it cannot be possessed. It flows, infinitely.

Waking up to YOUR gifts of compassion, self-compassion, and your unique creative capacity to express compassion, brings a dimension of self-respect and stability to your life that little else can. Yes, this is “self-therapy”. Like the best of all therapies, it enhances the lives of those around you. Immediately.

There is no failure when it comes to the divine qualities. Trying compassion out as INSIGHT, MOTIVATION, and as ACTION, and doing so with curiosity, good humour and trust: that’s the beautiful challenge for living fully! For being ever more fully human. We are in this life together.

(Your stories of receiving as well as extending compassion (thoughtfulness, care beyond your own “garden gate”, practical efforts to relieve the suffering of others WHOEVER THEY ARE…all those stories are welcome.)

Dr Stephanie Dowrick (Ph.D, D.Min) has written more than 20 books, many of which have been international best-sellers, and some of which have won awards. For more about her rich history as a publisher, writer, psychotherapist. interfaith minister and teacher, and peace and social justice activist ,visit her public Facebook page or find her (free) posts on Substack https://substack.com/@stephaniedowrick.