Greetings to all Universal Heart Networkers!

Celebrate new edition of The Universal Heart * YouTube talks – direct support  * Byron Bay , this Saturday, 12 May  * Interfaith in Sydney 20 May 2012  * Writing in Kyoto

It’s with such delight that I can share news of a new edition of The Universal Heart, the book that inspired the founding of this Network in 2000, and that “speaks” the values of this Network so explicitly. The book opens with the line: ”There is no other way to love but generously.” In writing the book I take into account all the many moments in which we are distracted from our desire to love generously. And with many stories and guidance, I show how possible it is to recover and perhaps live even more lovingly than before. The new subtitle is self-explanatory: “A practical guide to love”. It has to be practical. Our need to live lovingly, with greater pleasure as well as consideration in all of our relationships, has only increased.

I do hope you can open images with your email as I am including below the sublime image from the cover. Could a painter-created face be more beautiful – or more expressive of love?

The book should be in your local bookstores. You can also purchase it from my on-line bookstore (along with any other books you want). For e-book readers, I notice that it’s currently heavily discounted on the Amazon Kindle site – except for those of you in the USA or UK where it’s not yet available. I don’t read much electronically because I spend so many hours on the computer. However, I know many people are enjoying carrying e-books in a single device.

Some readers are already commenting on the new Universal Heart on my Facebook page. You can too. The genius of FB is not just its speed and accessibility but that I can see your faces! It’s literally a face book! And the easiest way to communicate directly. I am increasingly relying on it because from June of this year (a birthday month for me), I plan to cut down significantly on my travel and public speaking. It’s a watershed resolve because I truly love meeting readers, but I am aware how precious time is and want to give more of it to my creative work and ministry, and my family. You won’t be surprised either to hear that I’m keen sometimes to read a novel or walk or listen to music on a “working” afternoon! For every talk away from home there are many hours of admin and preparation and sometimes I feel I have done enough for several lifetimes…!!

Meanwhile, I am travelling this weekend – cheerfully – to Byron Bay, taking part again in a wellbeing workshop organized by medical doctor/therapist Dr Cate Howell from Adelaide.  My contribution is on Saturday, 12 May, a morning-long presentation on inner balance that includes developing trust in our choices, powers of “recovery”, and resilience. Cate is leading an afternoon on intuition and there’s a workshop on Sunday on hypnosis for those who want both days (or that one only). Please contact Cate at once if you are free to join us: cate.howell@gmail.com.

Wherever you are, you can enjoy a number of talks recorded and uploaded to YouTube. The latest is on trust – but they can all be accessed via this link: http://www.youtube.com/user/interfaithinsydney   Please share this link and any of this information with your own circles. You can comment on Facebook if you have insights to share.

Details follow of events, plus the image of The Universal Heart.

Scroll down for details about the coming Interfaith service in Sydney – Sunday week, 20 May, 3pm, with glorious music from Kim Cunio and Heather Lee – and group singing from 1.15-2.15pm with Elizabeth Lecoanet. Details also follow of the Kyoto writing retreat in late Oct/early November – open for all levels.

Finally, I am sending you again some of my favourite lines from 8^th-century poet, Lalla.  They are too beautiful to share once only.

My kindest wishes to each of you, and hopes that we too may live increasingly lovingly, and with delight.

Stephanie Dowrick

The soul, like the moon is new, and always new again.

And I have seen the ocean

Continuously creating.

Since I scoured my mind and my body I, too, Lalla,

Am new, each moment new.

My teacher told me one thing.

Live in the soul.

When that was so,

I began to go naked,

And dance.

Sydney, interfaith service, 20 May 2012, 3pm

Offered on the 3rd Sunday of each month at 3 pm, these services may meet your needs for a time of unconditional acceptance and spiritual renewal. The teachings and music are invariably uplifting and the experience of gathering is, for many, deeply healing.

Details: Interfaith services with Reverend Dr Stephanie Dowrick. Pitt Street Uniting Church, 264 Pitt Street, Sydney 2000. Nearest cross Street is Park. Some street parking. Excellent public transport (Town Hall). Services around 75 minutes. Tea, coffee, fellowship and a welcome to all.

Books/CDs on line. http://stephaniedowrick.seekbooks.com.au/

Please note the list of books recommended by Stephanie. The bookshop is a portal to Seekbooks where you can order safely from a complete range. All sales directly benefit the Universal Heart Network. Postage is pegged at $6.95 for an unlimited number of items. Special offer currently for Audio book (unabridged) and printed book: Seeking the Sacred.  All books discounted.

Writing in Kyoto   29 October – 6 November 2012

In one of the world’s most enchanting cities, find a new level of writing confidence and pleasure. Morning workshops with Dr Stephanie Dowrick followed by afternoons in Zen gardens, sublime temples and little known tea houses with Inspired Traveller’s William Suganda. The itinerary also includes a day trip to the famed Reiki mountain.  All levels welcome. Numbers strictly limited. Single room option available. Accommodation is in the very comfortable Westin Miyako Hotel. Further details from: william@inspiredtraveller.com.au

http://www.stephaniedowrick.com

Please don’t hesitate to forward this Newsletter on. We can never know when an uplifting message is especially welcome.

Writing in Kyoto with Stephanie Dowrick

29 October – 6 November 2012

In one of the world’s most enchanting cities, you can find a new level of writing confidence and pleasure in the company of one of Australia’s most inspiring and successful writers. Morning workshops with Dr Stephanie Dowrick will be followed by afternoons in Zen gardens, sublime temples and little known tea houses with Inspired Traveller’s William Suganda. The itinerary also includes a day trip to the famed Reiki mountain.

All levels welcome. Numbers strictly limited. Single room option available. Accommodation is in the very comfortable Westin Miyako Hotel. Detailed itinerary plus costs in: Writing in Kyoto 2012 Further details from: william@inspiredtraveller.com.au

This is the third trip to Japan that Japanese-speaking William, together with Stephanie, have led together – and the first that focuses entirely on their beloved Kyoto and emphasises the development of creativity and self-expression through writing.

The quality of trust goes to the heart of whether we feel safe inwardly, and whether we are willing to play our part to keep others safe also. It uniquely reflects whether we believe – and can trust – that our lives matter. And that what we do and how we think also matters. In this accessible, deeply encouraging talk, Dr Stephanie Dowrick reflects on this essential quality.  She opens with a memorable reflection on a deceptively simple prayer from Zen monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. The talk was recorded at the monthly interfaith services Stephanie leads at Pitt Street (264) Uniting Church, Sydney, on 15 April. (3rd Sunday of each month; 3pm).

Please leave your comments or experiences of this or any of Dr Dowrick’s YouTube talks on her “Official Stephanie Dowrick” Facebook page. You are also able to share your experiences there with others who follow Stephanie Dowrick’s writing and teaching.

Most of us talk a great deal about freedom. And regard it as an ideal. Living that ideal though – and the sense of choice and inner authority that it implies – is something else altogether. In my own life I struggle not to use the “slave” words: “have to”, “must”, “can’t”. And I try to catch myself when I say, “I have no time to…”.

This is not because I do always have time. Nor is it because my life is free of things I should, ought, or must do. It’s because when I use those phrases I am cutting off the essential oxygen of free choice – even if that choice can extend only to when I choose to do those things and, even more crucially, how I do them (cheerfully, practically, resentfully).

 How we make our daily choices – with what attitude and sense of freedom – may matter even more than what choices we make.

Releasing ourselves from doing the essentials only when or if we “feel like it” is a great step towards freedom. Ruled by our feelings or passing emotional states, we limit our sense of choice significantly. And we utterly curtail our personal power.

Doing things because we can, or because they need doing, or because we will support or help someone else, we engage our “thinking brain” and our will. And the benefits are immediate.

We talk very little about will in 21^st-century life. It may even seem a quaint idea to you. Yet our maturity and power to choose depend entirely upon it. It’s another way of talking about our inner authority: that we are creating our lives from the inside out and not just bouncing around in response to others’ views of how we should live. Without choosing consciously, without exercising our power to choose, we have no chance of growing up.

This doesn’t mean we will always choose wisely. We won’t. But it does mean we can limit the tension and anxiety that comes when we could be getting on with something, but are telling ourselves all the reasons why it’s not fair…why it’s someone else’s job…why it’s outrageous that we should have to…or whatever your particular inner moan is!

We squander time, as well as gain from it. We squander our freedom to choose…until we know what “choosing” means. Choosing to do something because you can – and especially because it will benefit others as well as yourself – is immensely freeing. I have written about this in several of my books and very explicitly and practically in Choosing Happiness.

The most famous example of this isn’t new: it’s the story from the Christian gospel (Matthew) of “walking the second mile”: doing more than is strictly required. Why? Because you can! Because you are free to do so. Because when your attitude changes, few tasks are as onerous as they first appear.  And, crucially, because once something is done, or even just underway, your feeling state will anyway change. And so will the ease and attitude of the people around you. (You become much easier to be around. Others will be far keener to co-operate with you!)

Making choices about how you will do the essentials rather than whether you feel like doing them, you are taking charge. You will be less resentful; you are likely also to be more efficient and far more cheerful. But none of this can be discovered in the abstract.

So what next?

I would urge you to use your journal or a notebook to list on a brief, cheerful, daily basis what needs to be done. Notice what you would often avoid or postpone. Set priorities. Create time limits. Circumvent your usual habits of postponement.  And keep your goals modest. Changing habitual ways of thinking is easy when you are curious and motivated; even easier when you are tracking your results and enjoying them.

This doesn’t mean your feelings don’t matter. But they needn’t rule how you live in the world. You are more than your feelings: this helps you to discover that.

Finally, but not least, there are often “things to be done” – or even attitudes, words, emotions to be expressed – that arise spontaneously and can’t be planned for. Choice matters here, too. One of the most debilitating, self-pitying things we can say about ourselves is, “I couldn’t help it.” Discovering that we can “help it” – that we can take charge of our responses and particularly how we live in the world and alongside other people – is literally transformative.  It lifts our mood and our sense of agency and effectiveness. It creates a different sense of the world “outside” as well as “inside”.

No one can create that change for us; no one will benefit more from it than we will.

This article is copyright. Please email uhn@stephaniedowrick to reproduce. Or share your comments and thoughts with Dr Stephanie Dowrick on http://www.facebook.com/StephanieDowrick

A very special wish to you for a peace-filled Easter. I am away as usual to lead the Easter Retreat at beautiful Mana Retreat Centre in New Zealand (and will see some of you there). This is such a deep time for many, and often an opportunity for a renewal of hope and energy.  With that in mind, I’d like to share with you a very short article/review I have posted on my website (you can also read it there, with pictures/images).  Do enjoy it. I’m sharing quite a challenging idea from Thomas Merton, and briefly reflecting on a most uplifting book by Richard Rohr: both writers with an unconditionally inclusive view of our vast human family and our shared inner needs.

I’m also wondering if, like me, you have been thinking wistfully about simplicity as life gets ever more hectic. Even the idea of it seems daunting to many people. Or like a mirage. On my website front page you can find the YouTube link to the most recent talk I gave at the monthly services. It’s on the theme of “Gaining simplicity”, including giving up whatever perfectionism gets in the way of ease of mind. The quality of the filming isn’t great, but the sound quality is fine. And that’s what matters most. I am always delighted to hear if these talks are supportive for you. Isn’t it the most amazing thing that we can share thoughts and experiences in so many ways?  You will also find regular inspirations on Facebook. It’s a public page so you don’t need to commit to FB to enjoy them.

A quick reminder, too, that the next Sydney service is (3rd Sunday of the month): 15 April 2012: Pitt Street (264) Uniting Church, Sydney. 3pm. Glorious music, uplifting teachings. All welcome.

Blessings and best wishes to all, Stephanie

Thomas Merton: “If you want a spiritual life, you must unify your life. A life is either all spiritual or not at all. No man [or woman] can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.”

Desiring, seeking: this means giving time as well as attention to what matters most to you. It means aligning values with purpose and allowing yourself to be your own full self in whatever situation you find yourself. It means opening to the highest inspiration and the most spacious, inclusive ideas. It means caring very much how your choices and behaviour affect others, but with less fear of superficial judgements. It means feeling at home in your own life: trusting the guidance of the “small still voice within” that only wants good for you. It means trusting that you are capable of learning from your own experiences. And being fully aware that every new day – like every life – truly matters.

I am loving reading Richard Rohr’s new book, Falling Upward: A spirituality for the two halves of life. It invites us into a spiritual maturity that will never be dependent on chronological age but rather on courage and a willingness to discover, as we live it, What is life for?  There’s so much to treasure here, including the desire to participate rather than assert – and with a growing sense of infinity and spaciousness that’s gloriously counter-intuitive to any sense of “life running out”. His book finishes with a meditation on a poem by fellow-priest and inclusive thinker, Thomas Merton.

Falling Upward is essentially a meditation on contemporary spiritual life – and living it in the real world – that sets the scene in the inclusive, wisdom-seeking way that I hope my own Seeking the Sacred also does.  Of course Rohr’s book reflects his experiences, and my book reflects my very different life, but this is also an invitation to live each sacred moment to the full.  It beautifully points us towards deepened purpose, joy and gratitude, with energy to spare for times of sorrow. I feel sure that Thomas Merton would have welcomed it; so can we.

(Falling Upward and Seeking the Sacred, audio or book, are available from Universal Heart/Stephanie Dowrick on-line bookstore. Sales greatly benefit the Universal Heart Network.You are welcome to leave your comments on Stephanie Dowrick’s Facebook page. Or “like” to receive regular uplifting inspiration.)

Thomas Merton: “If you want a spiritual life, you must unify your life. A life is either all spiritual or not at all. No man [or woman] can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.”

Desiring,seeking: this means giving time as well as attention to what matters most to you. It means aligning values with purpose and allowing yourself to be your own full self in whatever situation you find yourself. It means opening to the highest inspiration and the most spacious, inclusive teachings. It means caring very much how your choices and behaviour affect others, but with less fear of superficial judgements. It means feeling at home in your own life: trusting the guidance of the “small still voice within” that only wants good for you. It means trusting that you are capable of learning from your own experiences. And being fully aware that every new day is a blessing.

I am loving reading Richard Rohr’s new book, Falling Upward: A spirituality for the two halves of life. It invites us into a spiritual maturity that will never be dependent on chronological age but rather on courage and a willingness to discover, as we live it, What is life for?  There’s so much to treasure here, including the desire to participate rather than assert – and with a growing sense of infinity and spaciousness that’s gloriously counter-intuitive to any sense of “life running out”. His book finishes with a meditation on a poem by fellow-priest and inclusive thinker, Thomas Merton.

Falling Upward is essentially a meditation on contemporary spiritual life – and living it in the real world – that sets the scene in the inclusive, wisdom-seeking way that I hope my own Seeking the Sacred does.  Of course Rohr’s book reflects his experiences, and my book reflects my very different life, but this is also an invitation to live each sacred moment to the full.  It beautifully points us towards deepened purpose, joy and gratitude, with energy to spare for times of sorrow. Thomas Merton would have welcomed it; so can we. Falling Upward and Seeking the Sacred (and another million-odd titles!) are available from this on-line bookstore. Sales greatly benefit the Universal Heart Network.

(You are welcome to leave your comments on Stephanie Dowrick’s Facebook page. You can also “like” to receive regular uplifting inspiration.)

Many years ago I remember listening to a singing group called “It’s a beautiful day”. Even then I had at least some realisation that it’s our inner attitude that lets us experience our days as beautiful and precious: each one of them.  When it’s “just another day”, my outlook and energy levels lift dramatically when I can consciously value the small, the ordinary, the familiar. And now I am quite certain that those are the moments that are most devastating to lose when illness or death takes us from them – and them from us. They are also the moments easiest to overlook.

A change of “view” means giving at least some of our time and attention and care to what matters most. (And giving up excuses that we have no time to live…) Clarifying our priorities removes a great deal of anxiety. For most of us, this means time to be with the people we love and care about, and who love and care for us. It also means taking time for friendships and community, and contributing in our own way to a kinder, more engaged world. It means time to make things, time for beauty, for walking, cooking, reading, playing…being present to life in all its wonder.

When it comes to what we “must do”, I’ve discovered that it makes a real difference to me to value what I’m doing, rather than resenting it or racing through it. Valuing what I’m doing doesn’t always mean getting lots done, though sometimes that’s nice. It does mean feeling aligned with a sense of purpose even when the day is unfolding modestly. Often what’s most stale is the way we think about what we are doing, rather than the task itself. Approaching familiar tasks more cheerfully or creatively – with a fresh mind and attitude – renews our sense of appreciation and connection to life. It also deepens our gratitude for those precious “most ordinary of days”. There is so much beauty and healing in that.

You can comment on Dr Stephanie Dowrick’s ideas and get more support on her “Official Stephanie Dowrick” Facebook page.

Stephanie Dowrick writes: “To open and inspire this talk on simplicity, I used a teaching from the Upanishads: “There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. That is the light that shines in your heart.”  Later in the talk I reflect on how unconsciously we sometimes subvert our peace, complicate our lives, allow ourselves to be distracted from what most benefits us and others. But we do this not because we are ignorant, but because we forget what most profoundly supports us. I hope that this talk is itself very supportive. It was supportive to prepare and give it! The quality of the filming is not up to our usual standard, but the sound quality is fine. And a lovely lesson of simplicity is to focus on what’s going well – and to have more of it! Enjoy. And please leave any comments on my Facebook page.”

“Well and happy”  *  “Time?”  *  Sydney service, 18 March 2012  *  Forthcoming events, including 31 March, Sydney; 5-9 April, Easter Retreat; 12-13 May, Byron Bay  *  How to meditate: ideas & guided CDs * Books on-line * “May peace prevail”

I hope this finds you well? And that you are getting the sustenance and inspiration you need to feel “well” in every dimension and layer of your being?  I can’t begin to count how many times I have been helped through pausing to say – for as many times as I need to – that most simple of Buddhist prayers: “May I be well and happy.” Or how often I have been helped by sending to others the next step in that prayer: “May they be well and happy”, rather than surrounding other people with my worries, however well intentioned, or even my disregard or frustration.

Feeling well inwardly means, for me anyway, feeling in harmony with my life and values, and feeling connected both inwardly and to people and the world beyond my own self. This experience of being well – and it has to be an experience, not just a good idea – can sustain us to the last breath, no matter how fragile the body may be at times. Nourishing ourselves from the inside out means being at least as careful about what we “feed” our minds as it does about being alert to what we put into our mouths. Inspirational ideas can be powerfully and permanently sustaining, even transformative.

That makes sense of the time we spend reading what’s most uplifting, writing in our journals, walking, looking deeply, painting or making a corner of our home or garden or world newly beautiful, praying, meditating, singing, cultivating community activities, cooking for loved ones… and sharing time with people who inspire us – in person or on the page.  Yet isn’t it often those most sustaining aspects of lives that get put aside when we tell ourselves we “have no time”? No time perhaps to be fully alive…or to be well and happy?

In fact I’d go so far as to say that we dishonor our glorious gift of life when we can’t or won’t pause and notice what sustains us – and do more of it.  Do you need permission to invest time and interest in your inner world, not least so that your responses to the outer world (and others) can be far calmer and more appreciative? Sometimes we do seem to need permission, or renewed encouragement anyway. Please, please take it from me – and as I remind you, I remind myself also!! And really, that is also what my books offer: if there’s one constant theme it is encouragement that we can live life consciously and fully – and with joy much of the time.

I’ve spoken about similar themes in many of my talks that are now on YouTube. You may particularly enjoy December’s “Love’s unconditional welcome” or last month’s “Our power to help and heal”.

If you are able to attend one of the monthly spiritually inclusive services in Sydney, they are at Pitt Street (264) Uniting Church, each 3^rd Sunday of the month, at 3pm.  The next service is this coming Sunday, 18 March. Gorgeous music from Kim Cunio and Heather Lee and always the most uplifting readings, prayers and teachings. (Nearest cross street is Park. A block from Town Hall station.) Tea, coffee, fellowship follows.  If you are coming because of this Newsletter, please do take a moment to say hello and let me know that!  (We also have an open singing group from 1.15-2.15pm, before the service, starting this month, with Elizabeth Lecoanet. Joy and prayer in music!! All welcome.)

For details of other forthcoming events please click on “Events” on my website. These include a half-day teaching workshop on 31^st March in Sydney, the Easter Retreat in New Zealand – if any places available, a beautiful personal development weekend in Byron Bay, 12-13 May, and the Writing in Kyoto workshop late October.  (That’s for writers at all levels.)

At the Breast Cancer Network Australia forums that I have spoken at this year (Adelaide and Orange), I’ve again been asked repeatedly about learning to meditate. The benefits are widely known: but how to do it remains a problem for many. And really meditation needs to be problem free! In my newest book Everyday Kindness I offer ideas about helping children to meditate  – or take some “quiet time” – and there’s so much research about how this helps them to learn as well as to feel so much better.  For adults, especially those going through difficult times or feeling unsettled, I would particularly recommend guided meditation. Peaceful Mind offers excellent basic meditation that can make a world of difference; Self-Love is a double CD set that offers talks I recorded some years ago with broadcaster Geraldine Doogue, plus meditation CD that uses exquisite music: Richard Tognetti playing the slow section of Bach’s double violin concerto.  It is rather like allowing your soul or spirit to take the deepest refreshment! And that CD is especially useful if you are feeling distanced from yourself, or finding it difficult to support yourself.  You can order these from my on-line bookshop – plus any others from about a million titles. All sales via my website support this Network. Supply is by Collins/Seek and the cost of post within Australia is $6.95 whether for one item or a hundred. Thank you so very much to any of you continuing to buy your books this way. It is a tremendous support.

Do please let me know if you find a book, a chapter, a CD or an idea especially sustaining. That helps me, too. And of course if you are now using Facebook that’s the easiest way to share your experiences not only with me but with all those receiving my Facebook posts.  (I send out an inspirational message most days.) Facebook can be a wonderful way to stay connected, and is far more easily contained and managed than you might think!

Please don’t hesitate to forward this newsletter to anyone in your own circles who might benefit in any way from it. We never know when an invitation or thought is especially timely.

I wish you some quiet moments, some joy-filled moments, some welcome surprises. And, beyond everything, I wish you peace.

May you be well and happy,

Stephanie Dowrick
  (The image below comes from a dear friend’s garden: home-made, heart-filled: what could be more beautiful?)

Please do watch the 2nd half of Dr Stephanie Dowrick‘s exceptional talk on love’s unconditional welcome where she continues to speak about our need to offer authentic hospitality not only to one another, but also to those parts of ourselves that we may sometimes wish to discard to disown, rather than reclaiming and transforming through love.  She offers a renewed understanding of love that reaches across cultures, religions, differences to what we would call the “very heart of the matter”.  ”All our wisdom comes from a single source…”  How do we bring this to the ground of our being? Stephanie helps us to make this possible.

Dr Stephanie Dowrick begins her talk with the sublime quote from Teilhard de Chardin: “Joy is the unmistakable sign of the presence of God.” Enjoy!!

In this uplifting talk Dr Stephanie Dowrick reminds us that we can respond to daily life and meet even the most difficult situations with hope. And with a deep sense of connection to our inner resources. Paying attention to our strengths – to what’s needed – is literally empowering in the most authentic way. This talk significantly weaves spiritual and psychological insights for our shared benefit. Enjoy this video and let it support you. You can leave your comments on Stephanie Dowrick’s Facebook page.  The talk was recorded at Pitt Street Uniting Church in February 2012. Stephanie leads a spiritually inclusive service there each 3rd Sunday of the month, at 3pm.

Stephanie’s words include: “In each situation in your life, I don’t know exactly which strength you will need; but you do. I don’t know either exactly how this strength will manifest itself when it’s needed; but I do know that with patience, and some inner quiet…you will discover that.”

She continues, “We can also see that even in thinking about them a kind of spiritual shyness overtakes many of us because those of us who have been raised in religious traditions are more familiar with an underlying sense of unworthiness, inadequacy, even sinfulness, than we are with contemplating the notion that we have all the strengths we need – and have only to claim them.

“Or maybe it’s a version of psychological and spiritual perfectionism that holds you back, an inner voice that says, ‘If I can’t be generous/tolerant/thoughtful/good humoured all of the time….I won’t even experiment with it some of the time!’ This reflects our society, our social conditioning, our education. And it is quite wrong.  Find courage in this teaching from Ralph Waldo Emerson:  ‘Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.’

“And remember: every day is a new beginning.”

Please share this content respectfully, checking via uhn@stephaniedowrick.com should you wish to use it for anything other than personal use.

Easter Retreat, Thursday 5 April – Monday 9 April, 2012.

Stephanie Dowrick writes:

“The Easter retreat at Mana Retreat Centre, Coromandel, New Zealand, is a highlight of my teaching year and has been for more than a decade. This year our theme is “The Grace of Kindness” which will open all kinds of doors to understanding how we can live more appreciatively, more creatively and freshly, not just when the circumstances of our lives are easy, but at all times. I will emphasise what it means to be kinder to ourselves, making kindness to others much easier and more natural. I will also explore with participants how we can think in new ways about suffering: where we can avoid or heal it – and how we can bring into our lives a greater sense of appreciation and joy, with energy left to meet genuinely tough times with clarity and courage.

“As these photos show, the Easter retreat is, of course, about more than the teaching or even the times of discussion, sharing and private reflection. Mana itself  demonstrates the “Grace of Kindness” in so many ways from the magical landscape, to the company of the retreat participants, the unfailing care given by those who work there, and the sacred beauty of our times of silence, prayer and mediation. This is a spiritually inclusive retreat where I hope all will feel an unconditional sense of belonging.  All enquiries to: Mana Retreat Centre, RD 1, 608 Manaia Road, Coromandel 3581, New Zealand   (+ 64 7) 866 8972. Shuttle bus can be arranged from Auckland airport (2-3 hours). On some days, ferries are available from Auckland to Coromandel.”

In our breathtakingly competitive society, children as young as 6 or 7 are increasingly refusing to learn something that could be rewarding or even tremendous fun because they can’t do it instantly or be the immediate “best”. And some adults – who should know better – behave similarly. Perfectionism has its compelling side, of course, pushing us from within to make more efforts than we believed possible. But when so many of us take our measure of “self” from outside ourselves, the shadow side of perfectionism often outweighs any benefits. This might include fears of seeming stupid or inadequate. And it always includes highly disruptive fears of failure. Yet, in almost every instance, the only “failure” is to opt out too early! Or never to begin…

Whenever we are prepared to engage with something worth doing, we learn more than the activity itself. We also grow in patience, resilience and resourcefulness. Absorbed in what we are doing or learning, we can forget those feared judgements that other people may – or may never – make. We can do or learn something worthwhile for its own sake; for our own sake.

It’s not just a fear of failure that drives perfectionism; it’s a fear of being seen as less than adequate.  Yet no resourceful or even mildly adventurous person succeeds first time, every time. To do so would mean staying within an ever-shrinking comfort zone. And what a small world that would be. “Mistakes” can be highly instructive, even liberating. Losing our fear of mistakes (and how we believe they make us look in other people’s eyes), we are freed to live in a world of far greater opportunity, discovery and interest.

We can live more responsively and creatively. We can claim whatever inner strengths we need, even without a saintly disposition – or without “deserving” them!  On a daily basis, we can try out new ideas, strategies, languages, responses, ways of relating. We can discover in the laboratory of our own lives what works best.  And then discover all over again what’s needed as life changes.

Looking around, we discover that can we learn a great deal from ALL of our experiences. And that sometimes it is in sharing moments of frustration, or in asking for help, or in recovering from a setback, that we also discover our closest connections with other people. In fact, the irony is that “perfectionism” is off-putting; it makes us difficult or prickly to be around. We are rarely admired for it!  Doing our best is terrific. Aiming high is wonderful! Helping and supporting others to do their best is also wonderful. But perfectionism (and the fears and competitiveness that drive it) does not serve us well, nor anyone around us. It’s a spoiler. Discovering that we can be absorbed in process, that we can appreciate our own efforts and do better when they – and not perfectionism – drive us, we will also discover new levels of creativity and aliveness in our own lives.

Experiencing that could feel quite perfect!

In need of spiritual nourishment? Or simply curious to discover whether spirituality has something to offer you? You are so welcome to join us today, Sunday 19 February, at 3pm for the monthly interfaith, spiritually inclusive service at Pitt Street (264) Uniting Church. A block from Town Hall Station. Cross St: Park. Glorious music from Kim Cunio and Heather Lee. Uplifting teachings that are practical, uniting and inspirational. Unconditional welcome. Not in Sydney? You can find talks from recent services on this website under “Video“.  If you are able to be with us, please arrive a few minutes before 3pm. We finish about 4.15pm. You are most welcome to stay for tea, coffee and friendship.

In all ten directions of the universe, there is only one truth.

When we see clearly, the wisest teachings are the same.

What can ever be lost?  What can ever be attained?

If we attain something, it was there from the beginning of time.

If we lose something, it is hidden somewhere near us.    Ryokan, Japanese Zen poet